Music Memes
by LadyKakuHida
Summary: Glimpses into the magical world of the AU
1. Chapter 1

**One of the music Memes I did when I had no internet XD They're actually really fun ^_^**  
**Disclaimer:I do not own Naruto or any of the music mentioned ^^**

**The Foamy Cult Song - Foamy (0:37) Deidara, Hidan**

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Has the dye seeped into your brain or something?" Hidan stared wide eyed and unbelieving at the blonde

"Oh, come on Hidan, pleaase? I'll get you some goats to sacrifice?"

"Jashin damn it, you little fucktard, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't sacrifice goats? I am gonna tear your face off and-"

Deidara, for whatever reason, seemed convinced that Hidan spent his Saturdays sacrificing goats and pigs to the great Lord Jasmine in return for granting him hair that was immune to any kind of weather. Hidan had told him, in no uncertain terms, that he was a fucking idiot, it was hair gel and if he didn't shut the fuck up he'd bleed him like a stuck pig. Or something like that.

**Strange – Kerli/Tokio Hotel (3:51) KisaIta**

Itachi had always knows he was different, he didn't like what other boys his age did, he never looked at girls in any other way than being there for procreation. He had always been alone in the world. Until Kisame, that was. He didn't fit in either, but he was happier; he accepted himself and Itachi, even if the slighter boy had trouble doing so. His cheerful demeanor had lifted Itachi from the depths of depression more times than he could count. When his fathers' impossible expectations were just too much to bear and he had given up. He had tried suicide once; Kisame had saved him of course. Easing the blade out of his hands and holding him, whispering into his hair

"In my arms forever you'll be strange,"

**Take Me Away (B-Sides) – Avril Lavigne (3:27) Tobi**

Tobi could never understand why some of the Akatsuki were so serious. Take Itachi for example, he never said anything and when he did it was sarcastic or just downright mean! Most people couldn't believe the two were actually related, what with Tobi being hyperactive and friendly and Itachi being emotionally constipated. Sasori as well, he never smiled or laughed or anything, he was so BORING! And Kakuzu, Pain and Konan as well sometimes, but that was only about once a month (Tobi had yet to figure out why). The dark side of Zetsu could be pretty depressing as well; this gang was full of misery and woe! Why? They had each other and they always had a good time, Tobi could tell. Oh well, Tobi will just do his best to make their lives joyful, he will give them hope when all is lost and most importantly he will make their lives FUN!

**The Ballad of Church – Red vs Blue (2:23) Hidan**

Jashin, I'm awesome. Really, I'm not even showing off or anything but seriously, I'm great. You wanna know why? Because I'm me and me is fucking awesome! And damn smexy and intelligent! Even if that sexy bastard boyfriend of mine-

"Hidan, are you gonna stop talking to the mirror any time soon?" FUCK OFF KAKUZU

**Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen (3:24) PainKonan**

Now Pain, unlike most men, was not ashamed to say that he liked a girl with something he could actually see, and Konan, unlike the rest of the stick insects at this school, actually had a visible figure. Now that's not to say that she was fat, no far from it, but she had curves and god did she know how to rock them. Her body wasn't the only thing he fell for; she'd have killed him by now if that were the case. He loved that about her. She could be sweet and gentle but you would be a fool to let that trick you. She could fight. And she could kick your arse while still managing to be a classy lady. He couldn't help but think how lucky he was to even know her.

**This Afternoon – Nickleback (4:15) Akatsuki**

They were the ones who had no ambitions for after they left school, the ones who'd end up living la vie boheme. The ones getting stoned and drunk and having fun. The ones to have any idea about how hard life could be already. The ones to know there's nothing more important than those closest to you, the ones who'd actually stay with each other after graduation. For better or for worse, they stuck together.

**Take Me or Leave Me – RENT (3:51) KakuHida, implied SasoDei, KisaIta and ZetTobi**

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck you harder!"

They stormed off in opposite directions, slamming the doors simultaneously. The rest of the Akatsuki didn't even acknowledge the arguments between the miser and the masochist anymore; they were all used to them. Tobi however, was still troubled by the whole thing.

"Zetsu?" He turned to his best friend and crush

"Hm?" the green haired boy replied, not even looking up from his book.

"If all they do is argue then why do they stay together?" Zetsu just laughed,

"Because they love each other. **Simple as**,"

"Oooh, you mean like Senpai loves his Danna? And Itachi loves Kisame?" the 'And I love you' was left unsaid

"Yes, exactly like that, they just have a funny way of showing it," the bicoloured boy smiled at the inquisitive little geek, ruffling his hair

**Llamas With Hats 2 – SecretAgentBob, I believe (1:18) KakuHida**

"Hidan, what the fuck was all that?" Kakuzu had of course buggered off to get ice cream before they could be associated and/or the shit hit the fan, and had returned to see and empty playground and Hidan stood there, cackling hysterically

"That, Kakuzu, is what you get for insulting MY boyfriend,"

"You pushed a kid off the top of the slide and chased him with a tree branch because he said I had weird eyes,"

"He was asking for it!"

"Hidan. What's that on your hand?"

"Would you believe its strawberry milkshake?"

**La Vie Boheme B – RENT (1:36) Kakuzu, Hidan, Tobi**

Hidan's masochism had been a great source of interest to Kakuzu and Tobi, though for very different reasons. Tobi because he simply wanted to know why he liked pain so much, nobody liked pain! Well except Konan of course. Kakuzu on the other hand wanted to know for more…_interesting_ reasons.

**Alfie – Lily Allen (2:42) Itachi, Sasuke**

They hadn't always fought like this. Up until when Sasuke was about 8 they had gotten along alright, good even. Now Itachi couldn't even leave his room without being issued a death threat or having his hair pulled or having a cat – yes, a _cat _- thrown at him. Admittedly he wouldn't mind quite as much if Sasuke learnt to fight properly instead of using girly moves like hair pulling. He had tried to tell him that once; he had just gotten another cat thrown at him. It was in a rare lapse of character that he had replied:

"I'm trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat?" That had shut him up.

**Yes, I did use a variation of the phrase 'rock those curves' and yes, I am highly ashamed of that. And that there, ^^^ is what made me obsessed with Sasuke lobbing cats at Itachi. You have that to thank. Can you tell I had no idea what to write about for This Afternoon? Nickleback gives me a blank -_- and the one for Take Me Away makes me cringe...I do not work well under pressure =.=**


	2. Chapter 2

**These things always give me such a weird combination of songs XD And to be honest, I sort of cheated... A lot... But it's not my fault, I got carried away! So I suppose it is my fault, but it isn't!**  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the Music mentioned ^^**

**Eleanor Rigby – The Beatles (2:08) Kisame, Itachi, Zetsu**

They were all lonely before they met each other. Whether or not they enjoyed the loneliness they were alone. Kisame had hated it, he needed people, he was a sociable person. Itachi hadn't. He had embraced it. He was no good with people anyway. Kisame was really the only person he didn't want to stab with a sharpened spoon. Zetsu was an exception; he had black Zetsu to keep him company before Pain and Konan, and for that he was somewhat grateful.

**I'll Cover You – RENT (2:30) SasoDei**

"Danna?" Deidara glanced up at his boyfriend through his fringe

"Hm?" Sasori didn't even bother looking down, knowing the blonde was giving him the kicked puppy look.

"You won't ever leave me will you? I don't want you to go, you're my king, my Danna, I need you," Sasori had to laugh at that. Inwardly that is, he is slightly disgruntled Zen after all.

"I won't," he smiled a tiny smile, kissing the blondes' hair.

**Misa's Song – Death Note (1:32) Hidan**

When asked why he chose to worship Jashin Hidan would go off on a tangent about the 'great lord of death saving his once heathen soul' but he'd never tell people the real reason he worshipped him; he gave the young masochist protection. Against pain, against death, against reality.

**White Rabbit – Grace Potter (3:21) Kakuzu, mentions of Hidan and Tobi**

Kakuzu could never get into weed, regardless of the fact he sold it. It could have been because of a bad first experience. Well, he says it was bad but what he actually meant was the most horrifically disturbing mind fuck one could ever have the displeasure of experiencing. He could still remember it, in every little detail. There were so many of them…Hidan, he was everywhere and he _would not shut up_. Kakuzu had thought he was bad before. These Hidans were like Tobi and the original Hidan put together on _speed_, they made original Hidan look like Hinata.

**Mary's Song (Oh My, My, My) – Taylor Swift PainKonan**

Konan loves Pain as much as she did when they were children, more if possible. She could only remember one time they had ever fought and that was over something stupid, she couldn't even recall what it was about, all she knew is she took up smoking in an act of childish rebellion. The habit had kind of stuck, but Pain refused to kiss her if she had been so she was forced to be sneaky about it. Hey, no relationship is complete without some secrets. Although she wasn't aware Pain had any, though that was kind of the point she supposed. She would find something, even if it killed her.

**Akatsuki Rap – Eddie Rath (3:14) :D There couldn't be anything better to come up. Akatsuki of course!**

"It has come to my attention," Pain was addressing them all with his 'Leader voice'. Serious shit was about to go down, "That we are in need of a theme song," Or…not. The Akatsuki merely started at their leader, questioning his sanity some.

"What the fuck." Hidan, naturally, was the first to speak.

"And we will have a fight to the death to decide which song to use; now everyone choose a song!" He now had his super Leader voice on. A few minutes later he went round the circle _demanding_ an answer.

"Which Backstreet Boy Is Gay," Konan deadpanned

"We write our own fuckin' song!" Hidan. Being lazy.

"Re: Your Brains," Kisame, incorporating his slight zombie obsession into his choice

"You Can't Stop The Beat!" Tobi, earning a sly approving nod from Kakuzu

"We Are Family," Itachi clearly was not taking this seriously

"We don't have one," Kakuzu and Sasori had chorused, while Deidara had cheerily shouted out

"We should write our own, un!" And so, with Zetsu unwilling to think through his mental music collection, they did, conveniently forgetting the fight to the death.

**Just the Way You Are – Bruno Mars (3:39) KakuHida**

"Hidan we've been through this so many times," Kakuzu sighed, not even bothering to hit him this time

"And you still haven't got it through your thick fucking skull! I will not stop until you believe me you heathen cockshiner!" Technically, Hidan was the cockshiner, but that was irrelevant.

"I don't believe you because it isn't true, now would you get off me? I'm trying to read," Hidan didn't budge; he merely sat there glaring at his boyfriend, unwilling to accept the fact that he thought himself ugly. He didn't know why he thought himself so unattractive. Well he did, he knew of the dillholes who had tormented him as a child. If they tried that now they would get fucked up. Because his Kakuzu was a fucking badass. Not as badass as himself of course but still pretty damn close.

"Kakuzu…When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change, 'cause you're amazing, just the way you are," he sung softly into the older boys neck, thinking he had nodded off.

"You really like them, don't you?" Kakuzu whispered, he previously thought Hidan was just trying to make him feel better. He immediately regretted his decision to speak up as Hidans head slammed into his chin, dislodging his brain slightly

"I thought you were asleep! Don't do that you fucktard!" he looked contemplative for a moment then, "But you are one 'tard I'd like to fuck," SMACK.

**Double Rainbow Song – Double Rainbow Guy? (1:57) DeiTobi friendship**

"Senpai! SENPAI! OH MY GOD! SENPAI YOU HAVE TO COME SEE THIS! IT'S AMAZING!" Tobi was literally bouncing, bashing on the window and pointing at the sky.

"Deidara I think he's gonna have a fit if you don't humor him," Kisame looked up from where he hung upside down on the settee.

"Ugh, fine. But only because I'm bored, un!" and with the he stormed out, clearly on his man period. What he was met with was an ecstatic Tobi and a double rainbow.

"Isn't it pretty, Senpai?" hearing the wonder in the younger boys' voice, he couldn't help but agree with him.

**We Will Rock You – Queen (2:02) Akatsuki**

Zetsu had talked Pain into making the Akatsuki do karaoke. Why would he do such an evil thing, you ask? Because they load a hyperactive Hidan on to him every morning. He also got to choose the song, so yeah, they were screwed. He had chosen the only song he knew they would all despise. Those taking part anyway. Deidara, Sasori, Kisame and Itachi. The rest had either flat out refused or hadn't pissed Zetsu off enough to be forced lately. Kisame and Deidara were actually quite good. Itachi and Sasori (or rather Sasori and a mouthing Itachi) on the other hand sounded like a cat that had been thrown in a bag full of water then bashed repeatedly against a wall and forced to eat sandpaper.

"So…There are things even the almighty Uchiha can't do then, un?" Deidara had smirked evilly at him, rejoicing in the fact that Itachi was actually human.

**You (Prettier Than) – Stephen Lynch (2:56)**

Someone had asked Itachi how much Kisame was paying him once. At first the blue boy had just laughed it off, but seeing the look on Itachis' face had sobered him up. The shorter boy was fuming. It was actually quite terrifying how pissed off the weasel had gotten. Initially Kisame had thought he was pissed at being referred to as a prostitute, but what he had said after beating ten bells of shit out of the guy who had asked had proved him wrong. He had stalked off, grabbing Kisames' hand in a rare display of affection but not before looking over his shoulder and telling the kid,

"He does not _need _to pay me, you pathetic little worm,"

**Yeah, Akatsuki Rap I just used the first songs that came to mind ¬¬ Which is why none of them really make any sense. I do find the last one quite cute, if not cheesy :3 It's an AU and he still demands a fight to the death. You gotta love him :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yeah... it wasn't until _after _I did it I realised I had it on the wrong playlist ^_^' So I, being a lazy git and being unwilling to redo it again, decided this can be like a Yugioh Abridged special -w-**

**Disclaimer I do not own Naruto or any of the songs mentioned ^_^**

* * *

**King of Rhymes – Little Kuriboh ft. ShadyVox (4:26) Hidan, Deidara**

"You have got to be fucking shitting me. I'm not doing this," Hidan stood on a makeshift stage in his and Kakuzus' living room. His usual jeans and biker boots had been replaced with baggy trousers, a shirt (yes, a _shirt_) and his Jashinist rosary had been exchanged for 'bling' as that little blonde fuckwit had put it. Deidara, following Zetsus' example, had managed to convince Pein to allow them to have a rap battle. None of them could rap but seeing as Hidan was the only other member who actually liked it, he was the one chosen to 'fight' Deidara.

"You don't have a choice, now… rap!" Kakuzu was all for it, but more for Hidans' suffering than anything else

"Fuck off, pansy-boys going first!" Hidan threw the mic at Deidaras head, narrowly missing his visible eye.

"Fine, un! Start the tape Tobi!" Tobi, unsurprisingly, had been the first to volunteer to help. He pressed play and the beat started.

"Un, un- OW!"

"FUCK THIS," Well that went about as well as everybody expected.

**Villain – LittleKuriboh (4:06) Hidan**

"Is anyone else getting turned on by this song?" All heads turned towards him slowly

"No Hidan, nobody else finds breaking someones kneecaps remotely sexual. In any way,"

**Magical Lyrical Punch Chan Desu Kun – Little Kuriboh (1:22) KakuHida**

He dodged the fist that came sailing towards his face. He was used to it by now, physical violence was a day to day thing for them. It wasn't as if they hated each other; far from it, they were just... Dysfunctional. And neither of them would change it for anything in the world.

**Brooklyn Rage – LittleKuriboh (3:56) KakuHida**

Kakuzu, as a rule, was a very angry person. He was used to it, the Akatsuki was used to it, Hidan was definitely used to it. But that didn't mean he had to like it. The Jashinist had tried various methods of anger management but all it had gotten him was a look that suggested he had gone insane and an earth speared foot to the balls. It was through months of trial and error that he finally found something of a solution; a good session of hard, rough, sadomasochistic sex.

**Leather Pants – LittleKuriboh (3:06) Hidan, KisaIta**

"Damn," was all Kisame had to say. Hidan had forced Itachi into a pair of his old leather pants. Not even Hidan knew how he had managed it, but it had taken a lot of convincing (read: threats) to get the smaller man to even consider it. But it had paid off, and the Jashinist knew a certain grumpy weasel would most definitely be getting some tonight.

**On a Blimp – LittleKuriboh ( 2:34) SasoDei**

"This sucks, un," Deidara and Sasori were stuck on a blimp smack bang in the middle of bum fuck nowhere.

"Well no shit. Why don't you just make a bird? Why did we even take a blimp?"

"Because I have no clay left! Don't you think I would've made one by now? This is your fault anyway, mister 'I-don't-mind-flying-I-just-refuse-to-do-it-on-one-of-your-abominations-to-art' I was only trying to show you the beauty that could only be seen from high up in the sky,"

"How can it be beautiful if it decays and fades away so easily?" Deidara smirked. He had been awaiting this part of their argument. He got his pouty face on and turned to his Danna, eyes brimming with fake tears.

"So are you saying I'm not beautiful?" The look on Sasoris' face was enough to assure the blonde he had won.

**Stand By Marik – LittleKuriboh (2:58) KakuHida**

They were almost always together; in base, in battle, in bed. But Hidan drew the line at sharing a bath. That wasn't Kakuzu being sweet, that was Kakuzu being cheap.

**Without Yugi – LittleKuriboh (4:20) ZetTobi**

Life, Zetsu decided, would be very dull without Tobi. There would be nobody to save from the 'evil Tobi-eating flower' or to stop from eating the dark green leaves at the bottom of the garden. He would have to get his food by himself and he would be stuck with nobody to talk to but himself and anyone bored enough at the time. Because nobody other than Tobi, Pein or occasionally Konan would talk to him. Apparently something about a cannibalistic plant man with a split personality freaked out a puppet, a fish, a pyromaniac, an emotio-

CRASH. Zetsus' musings were brought to an abrupt halt.

"Tobi's sorry, Senpai!"

Then again, life without Tobi would be a lot cleaner.

**Out There – LittleKuriboh (4:31) Nagato**

He hadn't seen light in years. Years of being held up inside a cave had left Nagatos' eyes extremely sensitive to it. He had seen cracks of light, and light glinting off of Konans' piercing and dimmed down light through the eyes of his paths but nothing like this. It was blinding, it was white, it was- it was heaven. They were all there; Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, Itachi... Yahiko.

**Sailing Away – LittleKuriboh (5:49) Kisame, slight KisaIta**

Death was kind of like being on a boat. It was calming, you had time to think. Too much time, over thinking was a common problem in death. Such as now. Kisame had been pondering his relationship with Itachi at the time; he was definitely the closest friend he'd ever had. He didn't- hadn't acted like it, but he was. And that was the problem; he hadn't acted it. On the very rare occasion he did show any form of affection it was _too _much affection; even hugging when he was drunk, that was an eventful night if nothing else. The blue man was not used to affection of any kind. His mother, like most Kirigakure kunoichi, was a tough bitch. He didn't hate her for it, it helped make him who he was today- well before he died anyway. Although if she hadn't been a tough bitch and therefore not made him who he was today, would he still be alive? It was a possibility... not a certainty, fighting was in his blood.

* * *

**How the bloody hell did I get slight angst out of LittleKuriboh? But on the bright side... semi happy ZetTobi! I will write proper fluff with them eventually ¦B And yeah... I seem to be just ignoring the rules more the more of these I do =_='**


	4. Chapter 4

**WHY CAN I NOT WRITE CONSISTENT MISERY? **

***cough***

**I've kinda given up with the rules altogether now... it's still on shuffle, if that counts? Some OOC-ness, but it's only for the lulz ¬¬**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto ^^**

**

* * *

**

**Am I Not Pretty Enough – Kasey Chambers (KakuHida)**

I was too broken for him. He wanted someone stable; someone he could handle, and control with some resistance. He didn't want me. I was a wreck. I wasn't always. Not before the accident. But that was what got me into Jashinism – he helped me through it, kind of. Kakuzu was there, obviously. From what I've heard he never left. He didn't act the same when I woke up, he was just so... distant; more so than before if that was possible. At first I thought it was because of the scars but he had proved me wrong. Violently. I think he called me a hypocrite as well, for whatever reason. Ha... hypocrite... one of the only things that didn't change. I've always been one, always will be; it's in my nature. But everything that had made me, me disappeared. My rebelliousness, my hotheadedness, hell I even swore less. I'm almost back to myself now though. To anybody else I'm perfectly fine, but Kakuzu... he can see right through me.

**Fairytale of New York – The Pogues (KakuHida)**

A figure hunched over a pint in the corner of some old rundown bar he didn't even know the name of. Looking out of place and lost to the merry chatter and jovial drinking going on all around him he glared bitterly at all the young couples no doubt enjoying their first year together. He hated Christmas, just ask his ex wife; the bitch had left him last year for being such a Scrooge. He couldn't be the only one who harboured such a detestation for the season of giving. It all just seemed so pointless and frivolous; which, to him, was not a good thing. To be carefree was to be careless and to be careless was to end up being broke, and living out of puke green rubbish bins for the rest of your miserable existence. A loud bang shot him out of his musings and he glanced idly to the entrance, where a silver haired man had burst in the door and was now loudly demanding a beer. 'Probably American' the grouchy miser muttered darkly to himself as he glared at the assumed Yank, who, upon closer inspection, appeared to have pink eyes and no shirt.

"Who the hell goes around with no shirt on in this weather?" Now this man was definitely not the kind of person to go around starting conversations with people but this young 'un... intrigued him.

"Who the fuck goes around with a mask on at all?" The offensive youths expression turned sour; his eyes narrowed into a harsh glare and his lips turned up in a sneer. He wasn't American, as Kakuzu (for that was the older mans' name) had thought. He was from Liverpool; South End if he wasn't mistaken. He doubted it, he had lived there for a good few years.

"The kind that doesn't want to be seen by some little brat who probably still lives with his mummy," He turned back to his drink, ignoring the sparks of rage flying from the silvettes ears.

"You don't know shit about me, you old heathen fuck!" So he was religious. Wonderful. Why had he started this conversation? They lapsed back into a comfortable silence unbefitting of two complete strangers.

"37,"

"What?"

"I'm 37, I'm not old," This seemed familiar somehow; he hadn't looked up from his drink so he couldn't see the sly grin spreading across the other mans face.

"Dude I'm 27, you're fucking ancient. Though I have to say you are still suitably fuckable... like a MILF, only with a dude. A DILF?" The piercing green eyes widened as he choked on his drink, not expecting the comment in the least.

"Not ten minutes ago you were insulting the mask," He smirked slightly behind aforementioned mask

"Well from what I can see you're damn sexy," He glared back over his glass at him. May I just take a few seconds to say that the miser was covered pretty much head to toe?

"If this is your attempt at flirting then you failed. You at least need to tell me your name," Granted his flirting skills weren't much better.

"Fine you old git, it's Hidan,"

"Kakuzu,"

**Song For Whoever – Beautiful South (KakuHida)**

Hidan just stared at the sheet, really not knowing what to think.

"Kakuzu... what the fuck is this? I- I really don't even," It truly was baffling. Even more than actually finding out the old miser had written him a song. There really were no words to describe it

"So... remind me why you wrote me a song? It's pretty gay, even for you," The elder of the two didn't even look up from his work as he told the Jashinist

"It's in the chorus," The chorus? The old bastard went as far as a chorus? Jashin... wait.

"You cheap old twatrag! The first time you ever do something remotely romantic and it's for _this_? I should sacrifice you where you stand you- you- ARGH!" And with that he stormed out; but not before tearing the paper up and throwing it into the air for Kakuzu to clean up (as they both knew he would) The only part with text still visible read: _You made me so much money I wrote this song for you_.

It was Hidans' first ever bounty.

**Still Have My Heart – Caitlin Crosby (ZetTobi)**

They all said that Zetsu was no good for Tobi, that they were too different to be happy together. They were wrong of course. Nobody saw Zetsu the way Tobi did; nobody _bothered_ to see Zetsu the way the masked boy did. They didn't know how sweet, loving and gentle the plant man could be. They didn't see the side of him reserved only for Tobi, the side that showed remorse in what he did; the side that held the members of Akatsuki dear, even if they seemed weirded out by him. They had all tried to change his mind about it, especially Deidara. He hated Zetsu; nobody knew why and nobody really cared to know. He hated Tobi as well, though and didn't really care what happened as long as they were both apart and miserable. They had actually managed to split them up at one point, mainly by threatening Tobi. He had gone back to the cannibal though. He always would.

**I Know It's Today – Shrek The Musical (KisaIta)**

A fair maiden; trapped in a tower guarded by a ferocious fire breathing dragon.

A handsome prince; riding on a noble steed, destroying anything evil in his path with a cheesy grin and a flirty wink.

A fairytale ending; everyone lives happily ever after except anything evil and dark and nasty.

In other words; total bullshit.

Itachi should know. He's been waiting for this prick with his perfect teeth and his blonde, bouncy hair for _thirteen fucking years_. He had long since given up on this shiny, perfect, procrastinating asshole of a prince. He didn't even care any more. He'd find his own way out, he'd make his own damn destiny, he'd find his own Prince Charming, he'd answer that bloody door!

"What do you want?" He swung the accursed block of wood open and glared into the eyes of someone he thought he would never see again.

"Oh, er, hi Itachi?"

"Kisame?" The only response he got was a certain weasel latching himself onto him and sobbing at him to never leave him alone again.

"Geez, Itachi, I was only gone for like fifteen minutes,"

**Main Theme – Sonic Underground (Akatsuki)**

They were rocking out, as they did every Saturday. They would put on the oldest, gayest songs any of them had and rave. Well some of them would rave, others would record and use as blackmail. As it so happens, that week Tobi had brought the entirety of the songs performed in Sonic Underground.

**I Hope You Die – Bloodhound Gang (Itachi, Deidara)**

They hated each other. That was fact. A fact that was putting the organisation at serious risk if not dealt with. As part of their 'therapy' they were told to write a list of what they most detested about the other.

Deidaras' list was arguably the most amusing, though he seemed to have missed the point;

He's a bellend.

He'd a douche

He's a total jizzrag

I hope when he gets caught he gets stuck in the same cell as a guy who got in for fucking a dog

He keeps stealing my dango!

"Yes, that's all well and good Deidara, **but it's more a list of insults and ill wishing than what we were really looking for**," Yes Zetsu was chosen to be their therapist. _Zetsu_. The most insane of the entire Akatsuki was handling their mental state. It's safe to say they were fucked.

**Painting Flowers – All Time Low (SasoDei)**

Deidara had no idea where he was. All he knew was that he was in the middle of nowhere with Sasori, who for whatever reason was dressed as a rabbit and had completely forgotten who he was, and he was stuck painting bloody flowers.

"Hmm, these are not nearly artistic enough... they look like something Konan would make, un,"

"Who's Konan? Wait, no, no time to explain! Hurry up you imbecile, we're going to be late!" I'm sorry, did I say Sasori? I meant Sasori on speed.

"No, I need to finish this flo-" He was cut off by a huge explosion, courtesy of Tobi in the other room.

The blonde blinked around the room, having no idea what was going on. His eyes settled on the puppet, who was glancing at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Danna... please promise me you'll never turn into a rabbit, un? Or- or go really OCD with the time obsession thing, un? Please?"

**The Geeks Get The Girls – American HiFi (Tobi)**

"Aaw yeaaah," Was all that ran through Tobis' mind; he had bitches to the left of him, bitches to the right. He was well and truly pimpin'.

"Sir Lord Tobitchesbemine? **Someone's here for you**," Ooh, Zetsu, his faithful manbitch. Like a dog with less fur; yes, Zetsu was bald dog. Only not quite so creepy looking.

"Send 'em in y'all, na' mea'?" Tobi had not quite grasped the concept of speaking like a pimp and often confused the dialect with that of a pirates' or a Southerner. The newcomer was quite a strange one, in that he was a man. Presumably. No woman would come in to audition for being a hoe with such a flat chest

"Hi! I'm here to apply for a degree in prostitution?" Degree in...? The fuck was this chick on?

"Stupid hoe! Y'all don't get degrees in prostitution! Get the fuck out and take yo' pink hair with you, else ye'll be walking the plank! Arr!" And with that she ran off, sobbing dramatically at her shunning.

Aww, yeaaah; just another day Tobi: Pimp extraordinaire!

**I'll Never Be You – Dane Cook**

They had all agreed they would never end up like that. But it had picked them off one by one. It had gotten Pein first; with the blue haired flower girl, then Sasori; with the transvestite, then Kakuzu (which shocked all of us); with that zealot with a gob far too big for someone that short, and then finally Zetsu; with the orange ball of hyperactivity we came to know as Tobi. And then there was me. Alone. Lovely, isn't it? Well it doesn't really bother me that much I mean most of them have gotten so soppy and... bleh. Kakuzu hasn't. If anything he's more violent now. They have tried to set me up before; it had been a complete disaster. It was with this little gi- well not little girl, that just sounds creepy, but she was small. Except for her chest. She was a lovely young lady, once she got past her initial fear of me; she even apologised in that tiny, tiny voice. Eventually I broke it off because she was just too innocent and I didn't want to like, taint her. Damn, that sounds weird. Oh... here they are again, rejoice. Wait... ooh, who's this? He's... dayum. And he doesn't seem to be scared!

PRAISE THE LORD, THERE IS HOPE FOR ME YET.

* * *

**I have no idea what's going on in that last one... I got a bit bored towards the end XD But I don't like leaving music memes to come back to it just seems a bit, like, defeating the purpose xD **

**I don't know why Fairytale of New York is so long... Or why I made Hidan from Liverpool :S If anything it should be Ireland, shouldn't it? But I do like South Liverpudlian accents :3 **

**OOC and delusional Itachi FTW!**

**And before any of you bitch to me about Sakura never doing that, may I just remind you that it is _Tobi_ as the pimp? _Tobi_. Not Madara, who I can actually see as a rather convincing pimp, _Tobi_.**


End file.
